Spring is coming. I’d forgotten how much I like spring. I’d
forgotten how much I like spring skiing when it is not so cold and the snow is
soft and you can zip down all the double black diamond hills without worrying
about ice, and how much I like the fact that canoeing season is just around the
corner, and that soon it will be warm and dry enough to go biking… I don’t know if it is the warmer weather or
the longer days - and with them the increase in sunlight - or just some general
‘rebirth’ that comes with spring or even merely that I have been home long
enough that I am getting pulled into more activities, but I am, slowly,
becoming human again.
I had a chance chat with Catherine in our office one day
that made me start to count my blessings and stopped me feeling quite so sorry
for myself (Thank you, Catherine!) so I called Karen up to see if she still
wanted to go down-hill skiing and she said yes and we had a wonderful day. I
asked Rosetta if she was going to organize a team for the upcoming dragon-boat
races again this year and she said she would and so I have that to look forward
to. I went out to a concert with Shelley. I found out about a free dance
recital and decided to go to that too. I signed up for a first aid at school
run by the school. I looked up my favourite first canoe race of the season online
and made sure I would be available for it. I went to see Kara when she was in
town and determined to organize a get together with her and Suzanne. I talked
to Geoff about us doing a one-month trial-reconciliation and he said yes, and,
more importantly, this has led to constructive open dialogue between us. I
suggested to him that we each cook dinner once a week for each other, and then
to Emily that she join in this too, and they both agreed, so we will have at
least three meals per week being companionable together. I went round and
dropped in on Steve and Maryanne and had a lovely evening with them. I actively
looked into what my Sunday ski group was up to since I had missed the weekly
e-mail. I called one of my oldest friends who lives in Toronto and chatted for
hours and sent a text to my weekly walking partner to make sure she was up for
our weekly walk and sent a chat message to my younger sons to start getting
some mutual Easter plans organized. In short I am, slowly, starting to do more
things with people, re-integrating myself into society, and, consequently, I am
feeling that I am becoming human again.
I still fear depression sucking me down but I no longer feel
that I am so far down the well that there is no hope of clawing myself out. I
am, for now, optimistic. I know that sometimes it is like a heavy fog
surrounding you holding you hostage for months impossible to see the way out of
and other times it is like a yo-yo and I don’t know how I have been so lucky as
to spring up so fast this time but hope to grasp the lip of the well should I
be so fortunate to rise that high and hang on for dear life.
Geoff and I are going to start our one-month
trial-reconciliation on the 1st of April and I still like the
appropriateness of that date. Oddly enough I am not concerned so much with the
outcome of the experiment as with the definitiveness of it. I am hoping for a
clear answer.
Roll on spring! :)
